215 lines
11 KiB
HTML
215 lines
11 KiB
HTML
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<title>NN//M/E/n0-how-to-do-stuff</title>
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<a target="_blank" href="https://n0thanky0u.neocities.org/howtodostuff/"
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>Unaltered copy, originally from n0thanky0u's blog post: "How to do
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<em>Stuff</em>"</a
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>
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</p>
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<main>
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<h1>How to do <em>Stuff</em></h1>
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<p>2024-10-03</p>
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<p>
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I have a lot of trouble doing <em>stuff</em>. Unfortunately, this world
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demands <em>stuff</em> be done. Even opperating at a bare minimum
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capacity, as a hikineet, eventually you will run out of plates to eat
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off and have to clean, eventually you have to cook, eventually etc. Even
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if your personal hygeine standards lie below the socially accepted
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average, you still have to do <em>stuff</em>. Those things constitute
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"chores". Chores are stuff you don't want to do. But even stuff you do
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want to do is hard to actually do sometimes. This is a post about what
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that means and how (maybe) to do that stuff.
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</p>
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<p>
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I'm not sure if I have adhd or whatever. The doctors recomended against
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going through the process to get a diagnosis, since I am already
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diagnosed with autisim, and apparently having both is very rare. This
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sounds like bullshit to me just from meeting people, and it also sounds
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like bullshit from me who has read that "50 to 70% of individuals with
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autism spectrum disorder (ASD) also present with comorbid attention
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deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)"
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<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8918663/"
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>https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8918663/</a
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>. On the one hand if I were diagnosed with adhd I might be able to get
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some medicine to help. On the other hand who gives a shit.
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</p>
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<p>
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This is not a post about adhd or whatever, this is a post about 2
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things. Firstly, the difference between wanting something, and wanting
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to want something. Secondly, how that barrier might be crossed.
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</p>
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<p>
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But first, we have to talk about parallel universes. No actually we have
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to talk about doing <em>stuff</em>. I believe that it's very rare for
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people to be able to do stuff just by doing stuff, in other words,
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through force of will. In this case let's say <em>stuff</em> reffers to
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tasks requiring long term consistency. The common ones are probably
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dieting and working out. That kind of <em>stuff</em>. No one does that
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just by force of will, supposedly. The opinion seems to be that you need
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to "make it a habit". You can find a million self help nonsense posts
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and books and podcasts and whatever else about forming "healthy" habits.
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I'm not convinced I've ever formed a habit that wasn't chemical in my
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life. Tooth brushing is often touted as a habit that everyone has. I
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don't have that as a habit, I have to remember every day, and it feels
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like a slog every day, and I forget to do it, and sometimes I skip it on
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purpose and I feel completely fine. Perhaps washing my hands after I go
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to the bathroom is the only real habit I posses. It actually fits the
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description of habits that I've heard, that you do it "automatically",
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and that you might feel "weird" if you don't do it. So building habits
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is never going to happen. I can do something for months using a phone
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alarm or some other method which forces me into a certain behaviour, and
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it doesn't ever become like washing my hands, the second I take away the
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external factor it goes away. So willpower is out, habit is out, the
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only thing that remains is "passion".
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</p>
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<p>
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I think this is the <em>real</em> way to do stuff, you just have to be
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genuinely passionate about doing that thing. Of course one can loose
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passion about a certain thing. It's definitely happened to me before,
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sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently. It seems passion is a
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fickle thing. Well that's inconvenient. Also, the extent to which one
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gets to choose one's own passions is slim. It seems like they somehow
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appear from the ether at random.
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</p>
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<p>
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This is what "wanting to want something" is. More accurately it might be
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split into two sub-types, "wanting to have done x", and "wanting to be
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the kind of person who wants x". For example, I genuinely want to be the
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world's greatest demoman player in team fortress 2. In fact I want it so
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bad that I played that game far too intensely and put far too much
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pressure on myself to improve and succeed, to the point where it was
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having negative effects on my mental health and I have made the decision
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to stop playing that game for the time being. On the other hand, I want
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to have lost some weight, but I don't actually want to lose weight,
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because I don't want to go through the process of dieting. Although in
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that case, I'm actually presently doing somewhat ok on that course so it
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might be a bad example (focussing purely on portion control is what's
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helped). And on the other other hand, I want to be the kind of person
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who wants to play old jrpgs, but the thing is that I've played a few old
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jrpgs and I haven't really had much fun doing it. But I want to be the
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kind of person who enjoys those games.
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</p>
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<p>
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This is not helped by the fact that I'm the sort of person who likes to
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dive into the deep end on anything I do. I find half measures a little
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condescending. I'm gonna make a weird comparisson here, but here it is.
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When trying to get people into anime, often times people recommend this
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new viewer to watch cowboy bebop, akira, and studio ghibli movies. The
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thing is, if they watch and enjoy those things, then congratulations,
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they are now into anime that is absolutely nothing like the vast
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majority of anime. You tried to ween them in on the stuff that is
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"traditionally good", that represents the aspects of the medium most
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familiar to popular western media, when that is absolutely not
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representative of the medium as a whole. So they're not really into
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anime at all, they're still just into western media. I want to recomend
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people the most average but fairly popular show that is actually
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representative of anime as it exists. Not sure what that would be it
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would depend on the person but do you see what I mean. That's how I got
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into anime (the first show I watched was chuunibyou demo koi ga shitai).
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So when I want to dive into jrpgs, I think I should start at the level
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of jrpgs that actually represent the medium properly, but are also
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appealing to outsiders. Thankfully, Dragon Quest XI exists. But not
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everything in life has it's respective Dragon Quest XI.
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</p>
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<p>
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The thing that I've coming to realise is that passion is not as out of
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our control as I had thought. The way you control your own passion is
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through the time honoured adage of "fake it till you make it". If you
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want to be the kind of person who wants x, just pretend to be the "x
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wanter" person, and act as they would. It's easier for things that don't
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suck. I can immagine the kind of person who cleans their house more
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regularly than me, they have a whole different set of social pressures
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that I don't have. They might care about their reputation when inviting
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people over, they might invite the kind of people over who would judge
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them for having an unclean house. I lack that social pressure. This
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makes it difficult.
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</p>
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<p>
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I used to be very averse to "pointless melodrama" or "unearned pathos"
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in anime. But I started to change my outlook. They must keep doing this
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because people like it, let me just pretend to be the kind of person who
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I immagine would become emotionally invested in that kind of highschool
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melodrama storyline that does nothing for me. So that's what I started
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doing. Rather than demanding the story change for me, I tried to change
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for the story. And it partially worked. After a while of doing this,
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these kinds of anime tone shift highschool bullshit melodrama were much
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more tollerable and sometimes quite enjoyable or emotionally affecting.
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So pretending have passion might be the way to do <em>things</em>.
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</p>
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<p>
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Again it's hard to actually say, and even harder to actually do, but
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that's just the discoveries I've made so far. Slowly emotionally
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manipulate yourself into feeling passionate about something and if you
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roll lucky, you might actually develop that passion. The issue is that
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passions fade, and they can be hard to rekindle. Especially on the
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"chore" side of the <em>stuff</em> spectrum. I have not solved this
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problem yet but I will let you know when I make progress.
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</p>
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<p>
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t. a man who recently bought an excersise bike for way too much money
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and is trying not to let that purchase go to waste.
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</p>
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</main>
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</html>
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